My kids are the pickiest eaters. They would seriously live on chicken nuggets, spaghetti, cheeseburgers (no bun), eggs (boiled, fried or scrambled so at least they like variety there) or grilled cheese sandwiches. I do count my blessing because, while they are not adventurous at all with most foods, I can get them to eat just about any fruit or vegetable. So, at least there’s that!

When Jacob was a toddler, he would pretty much eat whatever I put in front of him. Then Christopher came along and that child is truly THE PICKIEST EATER! Jacob has since sort of followed his lead. Anytime I try to serve them something different, Jacob a lot of times will look at Christopher to see what his reaction will be.  Though, I can usually talk Jacob into taking at least a couple of bites.

But Christopher!  It is like pulling teeth to get him to even try anything new.

I foolishly made sloppy joe’s for dinner tonight. Jacob lifted the bun off the top and said, “What in the world is this?” We told him, “It’s like a cheeseburger with spaghetti sauce.” We thought, since he likes my cheeseburgers and he likes spaghetti, maybe it will sound appetizing. No dice. Once we told him that he said, “EW! That sounds disgusting!” After some cajoling (and threatening and begging) he finally agreed to try a bit. We eventually convinced him to take three bites.

While this was going on, Christopher kept saying, “Jacob, if you don’t eat your sloppy joe, you don’t get a treat.” Christopher was busily eating his green beans at the time. I think he thought if he ate those, he’d get out of eating his own sloppy joe. I then looked over at him and said, “You are doing a great job with your green beans but now you have to take a bite of your sloppy joe.”  He looked up at both me and Jim and said, “I cannot eat that sloppy joe because there might be jumpy snakes in there all covered in red. That would NOT be good for me to eat.”

Clearly, we weren’t convincing him to eat it after that.

Today was a really crazy work day for me. The first payroll of the year, lots of changes and lots of stress. As usual, Christopher found a way to help me end my day with laughter.

My friend, Christy, stopped by for a visit tonight. I don’t get to see Christy often now that she’s moved further away so, when we do get to visit, we have a lot to talk say to each other. We were sitting in the living room and, as luck would have it, both of my boys were engrossed in doing their own thing… for a while.

Christopher decided he needed Christy’s attention. At first, he was really sweet about it. He got his little bowl of Fruit Loops and scooted his chair next to the couch so he could be close to her. Then, he slowly reached up and grabbed her phone saying, “Can I play a game on your phone?” Christy, the ever gracious one told him he could but I intervened and said no. The first scowl was thrown my way by my youngest. He proceeded to munch away on his Fruit Loops…. for about 30 seconds before he asked her for it again.

This went on for a few minutes with them going back and forth as to why he couldn’t have her phone. He subtly moved up on to the couch next to her, trying to sweet talk his way into getting her phone. Within moments, he was jumping on the couch, jumping on Christy (again, the ever gracious one, taking it with a smile). I asked him nicely at first to stop but patience only lasts so long.

I finally reached my limit and gritted my teeth and said, “Get off of that couch and stop jumping on her.” He scowled at me again but stepped down off the couch. He then walked over to me, looked me right in the eye and said, “You are a mean old fool.” Christy and I looked at each other and completely blew up laughing. I know, good example, right? Well, he did get sent to his room.

After a few minutes, he came back downstairs and I asked him, “Was it nice to call mommy a mean old fool?” He said, “No, it wasn’t.” I then asked, “Don’t you think you should apologize to me?” He looked up and said, “Yes, I’m sorry. I also called you a big piece of cheese, but that’s when I was up in my room.”

Gotta love his honesty… No, Christy and I did not make it through that one without laughing, either.

At Jacob’s school they have this coin stamp system. If they have a good day at school, they get a coin stamp on their calendar. At the end of the month, if they earn so many stamps they get a reward. Today, Jacob came home without a stamp. I always know immediately if he did not get one because the first thing he says to me when he gets off the bus is, “Mommy, don’t look at my folder today.” (I have to point out that this has only happened 5 times this entire year… so when he doesn’t get one, it’s a big deal to him.)

Sitting at dinner tonight, Jim and I were talking with Jacob about what happened at school today and asking why he didn’t get a stamp. He told us that he told some kids they were wicked because they were making fun of him. (I had a brief vision of me getting all Rebecca De Mornay from Hand the Rocks the Cradle on some kids but I digress…)

The short version is that Jacob ended up getting a time out at school for disrespecting others. Jim and I were trying to explain to him that, even when others are doing something unkind, we can’t be unkind in return and next time he should go talk to the teacher first.

Christopher, who has been sitting there quietly listening to all this decides to chime in and starts telling us, “Mommy, Jacob did NOT do a good job at school today! He didn’t listen to his teacher.” I asked him, “And how did you do in school today?” He tilted his head to one side and said, “Oh, I did ok. Better than Jacob. It’s up to us, Mommy, me and Daddy to make sure that Jacob does a good job at school.”  (Meantime, Christopher is on his own “performance improvement plan” at school.)

Where does he come up with this stuff?

I just wanted to share some of my favorite things I heard my boys say (or heard Jim say to the boys) over the past year. They keep me laughing every day. Hope you enjoy them!

While I was doing dishes, one of my boys was using the bathroom upstairs and yelled down to me, “Mommy, my peepee is so big!”

“Do not lick my ear.”

“Stop sniffing your brother.”

“Mommy, when I poop, I have to take off all my clothes so I don’t get poop on them.”

“Get your finger out of your butt.”

“Mommy, I’m not playing with my peepee, I’m fixing it.”

“Get your toes out of your mouth.”

“Fart on me!”

“Get your face out of your brother’s butt.”

While sitting in Mass right before Christmas, Christopher heard a baby crying. He looked at me all wide eyed and said, “Is that the baby Jesus crying?”

Same day in Mass, first time Christopher attended since he’s been a baby, he looked around and said, “Wow, there are a lot of crosses here.”

“Remember the most important rule of Trick-or-Treating… watch out for dog poop when you’re walking through the yards.”

“God, I pray for Mommy and Daddy and Jacob and my toys and Uncle Tom and Grandma and my toys and Uncle Tom. Amen.”

Me: “Jacob, what do you want for dinner tonight?” Jacob: “Food.”

“Mommy, I love to be naked.”

“Mean human’s don’t like babies but nice human’s do.”

“I’m asleep, tooth fairy! You can come see Jacob now but you have to come through my window first!”

After Jacob lost his first tooth and the tooth fairy gave him a dollar, he came home from school the next day and told me, “Mommy! I bit off a fingernail at school today. Now the finger nail fairy will come tonight and leave me another dollar!”

Christopher found some wheat crackers and asked if he could have some. He came back to me moments later and said, “Mommy, these cookies taste like poop.”