Going to a parade; most kids love them.  Christopher couldn’t wait to get there. For Jacob, it was a source of terror. As we were getting ready to leave Saturday morning, Jacob came over to me and said, “Mommy, you and I can stay home and Christopher and Daddy can go. I’ll stay home and work on letters with you instead.” I put my arms around him and gave him that soothing squeeze that helps calm him and then I told him, “I will be right there beside you. If you don’t like it, we can leave. But let’s give it a try, ok?” He reluctantly agreed.

For my son with Autism, being in large crowds is very difficult. Loud noises are frightening and overwhelming. But there is no getting through life without crowds and noise. Jim and I do everything we can to help Jacob learn to cope with these types of outings, trying to help him find the joy in being with other people.

So, we packed up our snacks and talked about how exciting it was going to be. Once we were in the car, Jacob actually started to get a bit excited about it, too.  But, by the time we reached the office, things started to change.

When we stepped into the lobby, there were about 100 people standing around, talking and laughing. Jacob’s hands flew up to his ears, shoving his little fingers in as far as he could to block out the noise.  He started to shiver, teeth chattering, eye’s wide with terror. These are all things Jim and I have come to expect when we have Jacob in some social situations.

When this happens, we find ways to distract him. Saturday, it was a row of candy machines sitting on the counter in the lobby. Jacob was thrilled to find one filled with M&M’s. So, we gave him a little Dixie cup and let him fill it up. Fear forgotten, he got his candy and found a smile. He adjusted to the crowd in the office after a few minutes. He even ended up running around with his brother and exploring, though he was sure to keep a close eye on me and Jim to make sure we stayed close. When any of Jim’s co-workers approached him and asked him questions, Jacob would look them in the eye and answer, hands at his side, not plugging his ears.  The first challenge was met with success. That in itself was a huge victory.

When it was time to head to the parade, Jacob made the long 6 block walk down to the parade line up. But when we got down to where all the activity was, he could only stand it for about 25 minutes. That’s a long time for a little boy who has difficulty tolerating loud noises. Another big victory for Jacob. The crowd was loud, laughing and talking. Jacob was surrounded by hundreds of people and so much stimulation. There were marching bands warming up and Irish Step dancers practicing, police cars, motorcycles, fire engines. It was just too much. He looked up at Jim and said, “I don’t like it. I need to go back to your office, can we, please?”  He tried. Jim’s answer, “Sure, buddy. We made a promise and we’re going to keep it.” They started walking back and Jacob said, “Can you carry me, please?” So, Jim put him up on his back and carried him for those 6 blocks.

Christopher and I enjoyed the parade while Jim and Jacob went back to the now empty, quiet office. They worked on letters, Jim naming a letter and asking Jacob to give him words that start with that letter. Jacob did very well. He might not have made it to the parade, but, he gave it a shot. He met an overwhelming crowd and didn’t panic.  No tears, no meltdown. In our world of coping with Autism, we call that a huge success.  Jacob’s reward?  We did one of his favorite things after the parade. We went to the airport and watched planes land.  His day ended with a smile and happiness. Being able to make our boys smile; we call that a complete success.