Last night, we discovered that Christopher is a sleep walker. I was in my bathroom washing my face when I suddenly hear this strange sound, almost like water running. Jacob, who was in bed but still awake, starts yelling, “Mommy! Come here, quick! Mommy, Mommy!” I come running out of my bathroom to find Christopher standing at the top of the stairs, pajama bottoms and underpants around his ankles, peeing on the top step.

I stood there, trying to decide, “Do I pick him up and run to the bathroom, thus, getting piss all over my upstairs hallway? Or, do I just let him finish and deal with just cleaning up one step? Before I came to a decision, he was done. He pulled up his pants, turned and walked back to his room and crawled into bed.

I was dumbfounded. Jacob started giggling and said, “Mommy, did Christopher just pee?” I started giggling, too and said, “He sure did.” Jacob asked me, “Is he going to have consequences for his actions?” (We never tell the boys they are bad or that they are in trouble, we always tell them there are consequences for their behavior or actions.) I said to Jacob, “No, I don’t think he did that on purpose. I think he was still asleep.” Jacob just sort of looked at my funny, giggled some more and laid back down.

Just about that time, Jim comes walking over to the bottom of the steps and says, “What’s going on?” I said, “I guess Christopher thought the stairs were the toilet?” He looked at me for a minute and we both blew up laughing.  Jim walked up the steps and handed him a towel as we both started cleaning up and he said, “Well, I guess it looked like a toilet.”

Anyone have any words of wisdom on dealing with sleep walkers? I could use some!

Growing up, I was not a big fan of Christmas for reasons I won’t get into here. Suffice it to say it was a stressful time and I didn’t usually enjoy it much once I realized there was no Santa Claus.

It’s different now that I have children. It’s hard not to be excited about Christmas once those little ones believe in Santa and get all jazzed about getting gifts. Christopher already asks me every day, “Is tomorrow Christmas?”

But, I struggle with how to handle what Christmas is about with them. Jim and I agreed before we had kids that we would never go overboard, getting them a ton of gifts and spending too much money each year. So far, we’ve done pretty well. They received no more than five gifts each. They also receive gifts from Grandma, Aunt Mary and Aunt Regina (and Aunt Chris when she was still here) so don’t feel too badly for them… they have had plenty of gifts to open each year!

Last year was the first year that both boys were a bit more aware of the whole idea of Santa and the gifts they would get. We still kept it to a minimum. Each boy got five gifts from Santa and one extra gift. The new bikes were from Mommy and Daddy. This year they started talking about Santa before Thanksgiving!  They even made a Christmas list for the first time. We got one of those sales ads in the newspaper that was all about the toys. I sat with the boys and each of them had a pen. We went through the ad and they marked a “J” or a “C” next to the toys they want. (Remember getting those store catalogues in the mail when we were kids? I marked the heck out of those things with what I wanted!)

This is also the first year I’ve ever done my shopping online. It was nice getting all of that done in less than two hours! It was also more difficult to stay within my five gift limit. I sat there looking at my “cart,” trying to decide how to cut back the ten gifts each I had picked out for them. Then it hit me. They are only little once. They only believe in Santa for so long. Shouldn’t they be able to have at least a Christmas or two of a bit of overindulgence? I wasn’t breaking the bank and I wasn’t using credit that I was going to have to struggle to pay in the New Year. If I’ve learned nothing else over the last couple of years it is that life is too short. I hit “proceed to checkout” without looking back.

Now, the fun has really started for me. I get online to check my email about every thirty minutes to see that Amazon email saying, “Your Amazon order for blah, blah, blah has been shipped!” I love clicking on “Track this item” to see where it is and reading that “Expected Delivery Date” to see when I will have to run outside and hide the box before the boys see it. I am so jazzed about Christmas now.  This evening, I got the first package! I feel like I’m ten years old again… even though I know what’s in the box!

Yes, there will come a time when I will have to explain to my boys that Christmas isn’t about all the gifts you get. There will come a time when we will cut back on the number of presents they receive each year and we will make sure they understand why. We have already put a lot of the focus on what the season is really all about. We are teaching them all about the birth of Christ and we are teaching them that it’s about giving and helping others as well.  They love putting that money in the Salvation Army bucket every time we go to the grocery store.

They will also learn that it’s about family and spending time with people we love.

But, for now, don’t they deserve to just be young and excited about all that loot under the tree that Santa has left for them?  I’ve decided they do. They can be grownups when they grow up. (And I get to be a kid again with them!)

This past Saturday, Jim and I took the boys to a local Lutheran church that was putting on a sort of walk through play. The inside of the church was set up to resemble Bethlehem the night Jesus was born. When we entered, the first room was sort of a welcome area where they had hot cider and cookies. Then you stood in line and waited your turn to walk through the market. To enter you had to go through the gates that were guarded by a Roman soldier. This young man played his part very well. He was unfriendly and harsh, angrily telling us, “Keep up with your group. Come on, move along.” He was very authentic and got a bit of a crinkled eye brow look from Jacob.

We proceeded to walk through the market and each merchant we passed told us what they saw that night, some believing the star meant the birth of the Messiah, others telling us of their skepticism. The tour ended in the sanctuary where the Holy Family sat near the manger (feeding the squirming baby Jesus a bottle).

Jim and I really enjoyed it. The entire tour took about 25 minutes and everyone was very gracious and did their best to keep the boys interested. Christopher seemed to really enjoy it and appeared to be listening as we walked through. At one point, while one of the merchants was telling his tale, Jacob looked up at me and said, loudly, “Why is this taking so long?” Again, the merchant was very gracious and got to his point quickly.

In the end, though, even Jacob enjoyed the singing and watching the baby Jesus in the Sanctuary.

On the way home, I asked Christopher what his favorite part was. He thought for a minute and said, “I really liked the soldiers! I like their swords!” Jim and I looked at each other and sort of laughed and Jim asked him, “Wasn’t there anything else you liked about seeing Bethlehem and the story you heard?” Christopher replied, “I liked the cookies.” After a moment, he finally said, “Oh, I liked the baby Jesus in the end, too.”

I decided to take a shower before bed last night. Both my boys were in bed.  Christopher was already asleep. I know this because I had just gone in and taken a picture of him sacked out on the floor with Pooh Bear. Jacob was still awake but barely. He curled up on his side as I was kissing him goodnight; a telltale sign that he is about to fall asleep.  I figured it was safe to get in the shower. WRONG!

This is what ensued after I started running the water. Christopher woke up, saw the lights were still on downstairs so went down to see what was happening. Jim had gone outside to take the trash down to the curb. Apparently, Christopher thought we had all left him. He started wandering around from room to room, crying. This woke up Jacob. Jacob went downstairs to see what was happening. When Jim came in just a couple of minutes later, he said he found Christopher wandering around, Pooh Bear in his arms crying, “Mama! Daddy! Where are you?” Jacob was following him around, trying to hug him and saying, “Christopher, why are you crying? It’s ok!”

By the time I got out of the shower and dressed, I heard Jacob and Christopher both talking. I came downstairs to find all three of my boys sitting at the dining room table, having a bowl of cereal at 10:30pm. It’s funny because, after six years of having my boys, I was just getting to a point in my life where I didn’t worry when I stepped into the shower. For the first time, I turned off my mommy ears for a few minutes and just relaxed. It just goes to show Jim and should never assume there is a time when we aren’t needed! We’ll have to plan our garbage trip to the curb and showers a little better in the future.  It’s hard sometimes that I don’t get many moments of relaxation, but I secretly love that they still need me so much.

At 3:00 this morning, my four year old climbed in bed with us. I hear his little feet come padding down the hall and into our room. He hands me his Pooh bear and then goes into the bathroom. When he’s done he comes running back to the bed, climbs over me so he is between me and Jim, snuggles as close to me as he can possibly get and falls back to sleep.

I woke up at 6:00am with two little legs thrown over my side and a Pooh bear on top of my head. I opened my eyes and Christopher opened his.  He didn’t say anything, (thank goodness because I was not ready to have a conversation that early) but he reached over and wrapped his little arms around mine. Then he let go of my arm to pull one of Jim’s arms over him, too. I whispered, “Do you need both mommy and daddy to touch you right now?” He just nodded and closed his eyes.

An hour later, I hear another set of feet come padding down the hallway. “Mommy, I need to snuggle.” I pulled the covers back, inviting Jacob to climb in bed with us. He said, “But Mommy, I need to snuggle with my brother.” So, he climbed over me and snuggled up next to Christopher.

We rested quietly like that for about 5 minutes. Then Jacob said, “My brother, I love you.” Christopher said, “I love you too, Jacob.” Sometimes I just can’t believe how lucky I am. We must be doing something right.

I swear this is an honest to goodness true story. That exact conversation took place in my bed this morning.  But, I’d be remiss if I left out the rest; so as not to give the impression that we have this perfect, lovey dovey life all the time. Within 5 minutes, this is the conversation that ensued:

Jacob: “Beanie, stop doing that!” Beanie: “What am I doing?” Jacob: “You’re putting your feet on me.” Beanie: “It isn’t me, it’s the blob. It’s coming to get us.” Jacob: “It’s not the blob it’s you.” Bean: “No, it’s the blob and Maleficent. She’s coming to get us and the blob is going to get her.” Silence from Jacob. Bean: “Now the blob has Maleficent! And look! Tinker Bell is stuck in the blob, too! Oh no! And the scarecrow is coming to kick our hats off!”  Jacob screams and giggles and they both start screaming and kicking their feet as hard as they can. Next thing I know, all the blankets are pulled off of me and I’m getting kicked repeatedly in the thighs as I’m sliding closer and closer to the edge of the bed. I looked over the heads of my two boys to find Jim sliding off the side of the bed, too and said to him, “It’s a good thing we decided to go with the King sized bed.”

I’ve been debating whether or not to write about this. Not because I am ashamed but because I didn’t want my little one judged too harshly. I also didn’t want my parenting judged. But, I know my little guy isn’t the only one to go through something like this. It is also helpful when I read the feedback from those who take the time to do so.

My youngest, Christopher, is having some behavior issues at school. Enough that the pre-school he is attending has asked us to cut his attendance back from five days a week to two days.  We’ve discussed a strategy and decided maybe we should get him some outside help.

When he’s in class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each week, there are 22 children in the class with him. Apparently, Christopher has a difficult time being in a group setting with that many people. He tends to get upset very easily which results in him either running away and not listening or hitting the other students when things don’t go exactly as he thinks they should.

Our first plan of action was to talk to him about it. So, each day before school, he and I would sit down and discuss how he should behave. I would ask him, “When you get to school today, do we put our hands on our friends or do we keep our hands to ourselves?” Of course, he knows the correct answer. The next question was, “When we get upset, do we use unkind words?” Again, he knows the correct answer. We would go through this rote every morning before school. “OK, Christopher, what are the rules?” His response, “We keep our hands to ourselves and we make good decisions by listening to our teacher.” Then, every day at pickup time, I would ask his teacher, “Did he have a good day today?” Unfortunately, as you can guess, the answer was usually negative.

It got to a point where my four year old boy would not greet me with “hello” at pickup time but, instead, the first words out of his little mouth were, “Can you ask my teacher if I did a good job today?” I’m sorry. That’s just not right. No four year old should have that kind of pressure on him.  His little face would look up at me, so hopeful that the answer would be a good one.

I’ve changed my plan of action. While we are working on getting him some outside help to deal with his emotional issues, when I pick him up at school, as soon as he asks me, “Did my teacher say I did a good job today?” I just pick him up, give him a big hug and a kiss and I say, “I would rather know if you had fun today. And, whether you had a good day or not, I am proud of you and I love you.” The smile I get to that response is then followed by an excited Christopher launching into the details of everything he did that day.

We still have a lot of work to do to help him make good choices. But, the best choice I can make is letting him know first and foremost that he is loved, unconditionally.

It is exactly 8:14PM on September 24^th, 2014. Six years ago to the minute, the nurse was wrapping Jacob in a blanket saying, “We are going to take him down to the Special Care Nursery to take a closer look at him.” She told us it was not unusual and that he’d likely be back in my arms within a couple of hours. At 11:00PM, another nurse walked in and told us that everything is fine, he was breathing fine but they want to observe him overnight and that they would bring him to me to be breastfed first thing in the morning.

I awoke at 5:00AM, ready to feed my son for the first time. I rang for the nurse. She came in and said he was sleeping but they would bring him to me the moment he awoke. I was a bit irritated by this but also thought I was doing the right thing by letting him sleep. I actually remember feeling a bit lucky as I had heard that so many moms didn’t get any sleep from the moment their babies arrived. As I was recovering from an emergency C-section, I was a little grateful that I had gotten an entire 8 hours of sleep.

By 7:00AM I was asking them to remove the epidural from my back so I could start walking as soon as possible. They had still not brought my baby to me and I was ready to walk down to the nursery. I continued to ask the nurses as they came in what was taking so long but they started giving me the “the doctor will be here shortly to talk with you” answer. Nothing like setting a new mother straight into panic mode.

Finally, at 10:00AM, as the epidural was worn off enough for me to throw my legs out of the bed, Jim was helping me up so I could try walking when the doctor came in to see us. She told us that everything was fine but that Jacob was having some difficulty so they had him on oxygen. They took me to the Special Care Nursery and started explaining what was happening. They finally let me hold him but would not let me feed him.

Less than 24 hours later, they were telling me that they were going to have to intubate him and transport him to the NICU at Georgetown. As I was still recovering from my C-section, I could not leave. I spent one night in a hospital across town from my son. The next morning my doctor advised me to stay at least 24 more hours to make sure there would be no complications for me. I said, “I’m going straight to Georgetown Hospital. If there are any complications, I’m sure they can manage it there.”

Jim and I spent the next five days wondering if our little guy was going to make it. After two days they were finally able to remove the intubation but Jacob could not seem to maintain his oxygen saturation on his own. They could not remove the oxygen tube and, because of all this, there were now complications with his heart.  All this time, I was not allowed to hold him. They did not want him to get overly excited so all I could do was stand by his little incubator and gently touch him. I could not even caress him. It was five more days before they would let me hold him or feed him.

Six years later, after an Autism diagnosis and many fearing he may never speak; my little guy is in Kindergarten and thriving. He is upstairs right now, giggling with his brother while they brush their teeth for bed. He is such a brave little warrior. I am amazed at how much he has overcome. Thank you, God, for our little miracle. Happy 6^th Birthday, Jacob, the Warrior.

I’ve had quite a few terrifying moments in my life. Most of them have occurred since I’ve had children. I watched my newborn son, Jacob, with a tube down his throat being taken away from me in an incubator, moved to another hospital while I recovered from a C-section; unable to hold him or even touch him.

I held him in my arms a year later, watching him struggle to breathe while the nurses gave him nebulizer treatments, trying to raise his blood oxygen level from 88%, while his little chest heaved, trying to take in enough breath.

We have since then been in and out of the hospital several times with Jacob when he has had asthma attacks.

Christopher, however, has always been my healthy little boy. We’ve only had one scare with him and that was the Christmas of 2011, when he was diagnosed with RSV. There were 3 days of hell while I sat with him in the rocker, making sure he was breathing. But, he came through like a champ and has had no serious illness since. I count my blessings. I’ve been haunted by the thought of losing my Jacob many times in his young life but I’ve never had that same fear with Christopher.

But, last night, Christopher did something that almost changed my life forever.  I’ve since realized that illness isn’t the only thing I have to worry about with my little ones.

Three years ago, we had the boys’ bedroom windows replaced with new windows.  Our home was built in 1966 and it still had the original windows when we moved in. We decided, since their bedrooms are on the second floor, that we should have newer windows so they wouldn’t go through the glass. They have those wonderful child locks that keep the window from opening more than a few inches. They are wonderful unless you have a child like Christopher… who is fearless and can figure out a way to climb up and unlock them.

I was downstairs yesterday afternoon, getting dinner ready. Jacob was doing homework at the dining room table and Christopher was playing in his room.  Safe, right?

Jim walked in the front door moments later and said, “Why is Christopher’s bedroom window opened?” I said, “What do you mean?” Jim replied, “His window is wide open, screen and all.”

I didn’t wait another moment. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could. I found Christopher with his stuffed chair pushed over to his window, about to climb out. My life truly flashed before my eyes. I saw a world without my little Bean.  I don’t know how I would have survived that.

I thank the Lord above that Jim came home when he did. I don’t like to think what my life would be like today if he hadn’t.

I am one of “those moms.”  When I can, I use both Santa and the tooth fairy to get my kids to bed early. Bedtime in our house usually takes up to 45 minutes. Both boys get stories read to them after brushing their teeth and going potty. Before that, they expect sillies. I’m actually surprised bedtime doesn’t take longer. (And, in truth, sometimes, it does.)

So, when I get the opportunity to get them in bed quickly, I take full advantage of it. Jacob lost tooth number three yesterday.

When bed time rolled around last night, I played the “The tooth fairy won’t come until you are both asleep” card with absolutely no guilt. And, it worked. Jacob didn’t even want a bedtime story. He said to me, “I have to go to sleep right away!  I don’t have time for a story!” Christopher heard that and ran to his room. He jumped into his bed, squeezed his eyes shut and yelled out, “I’m asleep, tooth fairy! You can come see Jacob now but you have to come through my window first!”

Both boys were all settled in bed, Jim and I downstairs getting ready to relax when we hear Jacob cry out, “Daddy! I lost my tooth! Oh no! Help me!”

We went running upstairs to find out what happened. Jacob tends to sleep on his tummy with his hands under his pillow and he knocked his tooth onto the floor. Luckily, we found it in just a few minutes. We sealed it in an envelope and decided to put it in his pillow case instead of under the pillow. All was good and all went as planned; I snuck in after ten o’clock and switched out the tooth for a dollar.

This morning, Christopher was the first to wake. He came running downstairs and said, “Mama, Daddy! I heard the tooth fairy come through my window last night! I didn’t see her but I gave her a sleep high five!”   About 15 minutes later, I heard Jacob stirring so I went up to check on him. Now, Christopher is my morning boy… Jacob is all Bailey when it comes to sleep. He wants nothing to do with anyone when he first wakes. But, it only took him a moment to remember that he had something to be excited about. He looked at me, all crinkled brow when I first walked in and then the light bulb went off. He jumped up and reached into his pillow and pulled out his dollar. He was totally jazzed. He couldn’t wait to get to school to tell his teacher.

I may have created a bit of a monster, though. Christopher kept walking around all day checking to see if he has loose teeth, telling me, “Mama, if I lose a tooth like Jacob, the tooth fairy can come again tonight!” And, when Jacob got home from school, he chewed off a finger nail and exclaimed, “Mommy! Now the finger nail fairy will come tonight and leave me another dollar!”  I might be in trouble here…

So, I just need to get this off my chest. Christopher started attending a new summer camp this year. I won’t name the camp as I am very happy with them where Christopher is concerned. BUT… after dropping Christopher off there every day for the last couple of weeks, Jacob became very interested and started asking if he could attend. I spoke with the director and told her all about Jacob. She had me fill out some paperwork explaining the issues Jacob has and how we deal with them. They agreed to give him a trial day for camp.

Jim and I decided it might be best if Jacob’s first day was only a half day so I took him in at lunch time. I had a nice long talk with Jacob that morning at home and we talked more in the car on the way. I kept reminding him that he can do anything he sets his mind to and that he can have a really good time at camp if he wants. Our usual plan of action with Jacob is, if he is somewhere and finds it’s too loud, we find him a quiet spot. It seems to be working so far. However, I made sure to explain to him that he might not be able to have a quiet spot at camp as he cannot leave his counselors. He understood and said, “I promise I won’t walk away from my counselors and I know I have to follow directions.”  We talked about other alternatives. I told him, “If you get overwhelmed and it seems too loud you have a couple of options. You can try to take a few deep breaths and see if you can calm down. Once you’ve done that, if you still don’t feel safe, all you have to do is tell the counselor that you want them to call Mommy. I will come and get you right away.” Jacob said he thought that was a good idea.

He walked into the classroom where all the other kids were eating lunch and he looked around smiling. He did, however, almost immediately plug his ears and sort of scrunch down a bit, in protective mode. I kneeled down on the floor in front of him and said, “Remember what we talked about in the car? What is the first thing you need to do to try to calm down?” He looked at me and took two deep breaths. He smiled and said, “Thanks, Mommy. I feel better now.” He took his fingers out of his ears and sat down and opened his lunch box. I watched for a couple more minutes and then I left.

I didn’t get a phone call until just a few minutes before pick up. The director called to tell me that she thought it was too stimulating for him. When I arrived at camp a few minutes later, Jacob was up in her office and they brought him down to me. He was smiling. I spoke with the head counselor and she said, “I think he could do really well next year but he’s still just not ready yet.” I asked for details and this is what she said to me; “Jacob did really well. He follows directions extremely well and seemed to have a really good time today. It was really only during the transition from one activity to the next that he had a bit of difficulty. But, once we got through the transition, he did really well and enjoyed each activity.” I asked, “How long did each transition take?” Her response; “About 5 to 7 minutes but that was 5 to 7 minutes that another child was being ignored.” I didn’t argue since it isn’t a special needs camp but, by the time I got back to my car, I was angry. 5 to 7 minutes and you tell me that is not do-able? What made me even angrier is that the first words out of Jacob’s mouth once we got in the car were, “Mommy! I had so much fun! I get to come back tomorrow too, right?”

I talked to Jim last night and decided to call the director again this morning to ask her if she could give him another chance. Maybe they were making that call just a bit too soon. Doesn’t it take most kids at least one day of camp to adjust? Shouldn’t he have been given another chance to prove he could do it? Jacob woke up this morning and the first words out of his mouth were, “I get to go to Camp again today!” So, I called the Director but sadly, the answer was no. I am trying very hard not to be bitter about this. It does seem like a very nice camp but, when I had to tell Jacob today that he couldn’t go back and tears welled up in his eyes and he said, “But, Mommy, I did so good yesterday” I’m having a very difficult time being forgiving and understanding.

He only cried for a moment and he accepted it. I assured him that he did better than good that he did great at camp. I took him out to lunch and then we got ice cream. He had a great time with me today and hasn’t mentioned it since. He has moved on… I’m having more difficulty doing that. I guess I could learn a lot from my 5 year old autistic son. I just feel he was cheated out of knowing he succeeded in stepping outside of his comfort zone. I don’t know if I can forgive that.