I am not one to usually complain about the weather. I don’t mind rainy days and I don’t mind snow, usually. But this week has been so nice and sunny! It’s so much easier when it’s sunny because my boys love to play outside. We have been lucky and been able to spend several days at the park this week. So, when I woke up this morning and saw all this wet and soggy snow, I was really disappointed. Fortunately, both my boys woke up in happy moods so I was able to swing my mood around, too.

I was sort of dreading them coming home from school, however, because I knew they were going to want to play outside and I just don’t have another mud day in me! It’s wet and soggy and my boys don’t just play when it’s wet, they basically swim in mud. I did not feel like spending tomorrow morning scrubbing mud off of shoes again and I was dreading the five minute argument I was going to have while standing in the rain, begging the boys to go inside.

But, I’m happy to say that Jacob got off the bus smiling from ear to ear, happy to see me. He couldn’t wait for me to look in his folder. Two minutes later, Bean’s bus pulled up and out skips Christopher. First thing he said was, “Mom, look in my folder!” They were so excited about those folders they didn’t even mention playing outside or going to the park. We get in the house and I open up Christopher’s folder and there’s a big smiley face from Miss Lizzie! He looked up and said, “I was in green all day today, Mom!” Jacob then said, “Mom, you have to look in my folder, too!” A nice big coin stamp and a note from his teacher saying what a great day he had! They were both so happy!!

What a great way to start my weekend!! I love Friday afternoons like this!

Let me say it again; my son is autistic. Is there a reason his special education teachers don’t seem to understand this?

The behavior chart. Ok, great idea. I have no problem with this. If they respect themselves and respect others, they get a coin stamp at the end of the day. In the beginning of the school year Jacob got a stamp every day. Sometime in November, that started to change. He started getting a little aggressive. It usually happened if he did not get his way or if someone was doing something he didn’t like. We had some issues where other kids were teasing him and he yelled at them, telling them they were wicked. There was another time when another student tried to get on his computer while he was still working so Jacob shoved him. Now, I’m not saying that hitting or shoving someone is alright but, I can understand why he would get angry. So, yes, let’s put some kind of plan in place to help him deal with these situations appropriately. (Although, are you also putting a plan in place for those that were being unkind to him in the first place?)

So, they started a new behavior chart for Jacob. Along with the coin stamp system he gets another chart where there is a wizard on one side of the page and there are about 10 circles leading to the castle on the other side of the page. If he gets to color in each circle by the end of the day he earns a ticket. At the end of the week, depending on how many tickets he has earned he gets his choice of reward.

Now, let me state again, this is a behavior chart. I would also point out that, since putting this system in place, he has come home with all his circles colored in except for one day. His behavior has improved tremendously and he has been very proud of himself for having kind words and kind hands. He cannot wait for me to look at his folder now when he gets home from school.

At his IEP meeting a couple of weeks ago, I told everyone present that my main concern for Jacob is that he seems to be lost in himself  a lot more often these days. This has been happening since about November as well. His teachers kept telling me, “He’s just adjusting to Kindergarten.” By March, he should be adjusted. I stressed again and again at the IEP meeting that this is still a major concern for us.  When he is trying to do his work he has a very difficult time concentrating and ends up staring off into space, completely lost in his own world. “He is lost in himself and it terrifies me and breaks my heart,” is what I said to them. Everyone FINALLY agreed with me and decided they would start putting a plan in place to help him with this.

Yesterday, however, one of his teachers wrote on his behavior chart, “Did not get any of his work done in my center today.” I wrote a note back yesterday asking them to tell me why he didn’t get “any of his work done.” Was it because he was misbehaving or because he just couldn’t seem to concentrate? Because, again, if he couldn’t concentrate that is not misbehaving. He needs help when this is happening.  The response I got today, “As I previously noted, he was prompted many, many times to do his writing assignment but he just sits and seems to be in his own world, talking to himself and looking around the table.”  THIS IS NOT A BEHAVIOR ISSUE!!  Good Lord! You people are supposed to be special educators!  How do you not get this??

I am usually the quiet people pleaser that does everything I can to avoid conflict or rocking the boat. Well, this boat has been rocked full tilt and I am no longer comfortable in my comfort zone.  I am the only advocate he has. I will not stand by and watch this happen. I cannot. I’m about to rock a boat.

I have to rant. Sorry, but I feel the need. My son is autistic. Because of this, I will read just about any article I can get my hands on that has to do with autism and how we can make a difference in his life. I know, I’m supposed to embrace his autism and blah, blah, blah. Judge me if you will but if I can find something, anything that will make his life easier, I’m going to do it. So, I read. A lot.

Sometimes, I get lucky and find an article that gives really good, honest advice. There is no “cure all,” I know that. But, again, whatever will help make the smallest difference I’m willing to at least look into. What drives me insane are these articles with leading titles like, “Music Therapy that will help your child,” or “Foods that can boost the brain power of your autistic child,” and I get sucked in only to find it is some long winded jackass, taking advantage of those desperate parents looking for help. I listened to this stupid “free online presentation of how music therapy can help your autistic child, just listen and I’ll explain what tempos work best and which ones don’t” for about 15 minutes, only to find that, after this jerk rambled on and on and on and on about his degree from Juilliard, that he was selling his “helpful DVD’s for only $975.00.” So, I got sucked in, while my husband, who worked all day, made dinner so I could listen to this. I waited all afternoon for Jim to come home to listen to this for this disappointment.

You either have something helpful to contribute or you are trying to sell something. Get to the freaking point. I know, my own fault. I should have known after the first five minutes that it was crap. But, desperate times call for desperate measures.  I was hoping, since I love music so much and it’s been such a big part of my life, that I would find a little piece of advice on how I might be able to use it to help my son.

Sorry, most days, I try to stay fairly positive. But, it breaks my heart to think of all the parents desperate for help only to be taken advantage of by someone trying to make a buck.

For the last two nights, Christopher has helped himself to the toothpaste. He smears toothpaste all over the counter, mirrors and his hair. Mom and Dad took the initiative to put the toothpaste behind the mirror in the medicine cabinet. But, Bean is on a quest to put his own toothpaste on his brush.

Tonight, he got up on the counter, looking for the toothpaste and Jim says, “No, you can’t have it because you made a mess the last two nights. “ Jim left the bathroom for a moment with the toothpaste in his hand. He came back into the bathroom to find Christopher up on the counter with something in his hand. Christopher is adamant saying, “I’m going to put this on my toothbrush by myself.” Jim asks, “Put what?” while he watches Christopher unscrew the cap to a tube of Preparation H.

I know it’s rotten but I came so very, very close to letting him do it… it would have been a Kodak moment for sure.

Aunt Amy may have saved Christopher’s life today…

I can’t remember exactly how old we were but we were old enough to know better. I’m going to guess that I was in 5^th grade which would have put my sister, Amy, in the 4^th grade. My mom was gone and we were home by ourselves. I don’t remember if my mom had just run to the store or what but she was gone long enough for us to get up to mischief.

I came downstairs to find Amy in the kitchen, the floor covered with water. She was in her socks sliding back and forth across the floor, having a grand old time. I remember saying something to the effect of, “You know Mom is going to be really mad about this.” Amy was too busy having fun to worry about the consequences.  She was giggling and falling all over the kitchen. She was already soaked but decided to put more water on the floor. She kept going over to the sink, filling this little blue cup and dumping more until there was at least an inch of water covering the entire kitchen.

I enjoyed watching her but knew I didn’t want mom to come home and find ME with wet socks. So, I watched and we laughed and Amy slid around the kitchen, practicing her skating moves. Then the back door opened.

When my mom walked in and saw what was going on, her mouth fell open and I knew Amy was going get it and get it good! But, Amy, in one of the slickest, quickest responses I’ve ever witnessed,  started crying immediately and said, “Mom, I was trying to mop and the floor just kept getting more and more wet and I didn’t know what to do!” To my amazement, my mom believed her. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe she bought that.”

Today, that memory just may have saved Christopher’s life. He came downstairs, completely covered in toothpaste. My initial reaction was a deep intake of breath and then instant anger. I didn’t know what I was going to do but I could feel the blood rising to my ears! Then he looked at me and said, “Mom, I tried to clean the bathroom but the toothpaste didn’t work.” That’s all it took. I remembered that story with Amy and just blew up laughing.

I am not foolish enough to believe he was trying to clean the bathroom… especially since two minutes later he said to me, “I really just wanted to make my hair stick up.”  But, while I was upstairs cleaning the toothpaste off my counter, sink, mirrors, floor… while Christopher soaked in the tub to get all the toothpaste off of him, I decided to let him slide.

My kids are the pickiest eaters. They would seriously live on chicken nuggets, spaghetti, cheeseburgers (no bun), eggs (boiled, fried or scrambled so at least they like variety there) or grilled cheese sandwiches. I do count my blessing because, while they are not adventurous at all with most foods, I can get them to eat just about any fruit or vegetable. So, at least there’s that!

When Jacob was a toddler, he would pretty much eat whatever I put in front of him. Then Christopher came along and that child is truly THE PICKIEST EATER! Jacob has since sort of followed his lead. Anytime I try to serve them something different, Jacob a lot of times will look at Christopher to see what his reaction will be.  Though, I can usually talk Jacob into taking at least a couple of bites.

But Christopher!  It is like pulling teeth to get him to even try anything new.

I foolishly made sloppy joe’s for dinner tonight. Jacob lifted the bun off the top and said, “What in the world is this?” We told him, “It’s like a cheeseburger with spaghetti sauce.” We thought, since he likes my cheeseburgers and he likes spaghetti, maybe it will sound appetizing. No dice. Once we told him that he said, “EW! That sounds disgusting!” After some cajoling (and threatening and begging) he finally agreed to try a bit. We eventually convinced him to take three bites.

While this was going on, Christopher kept saying, “Jacob, if you don’t eat your sloppy joe, you don’t get a treat.” Christopher was busily eating his green beans at the time. I think he thought if he ate those, he’d get out of eating his own sloppy joe. I then looked over at him and said, “You are doing a great job with your green beans but now you have to take a bite of your sloppy joe.”  He looked up at both me and Jim and said, “I cannot eat that sloppy joe because there might be jumpy snakes in there all covered in red. That would NOT be good for me to eat.”

Clearly, we weren’t convincing him to eat it after that.

Today was a really crazy work day for me. The first payroll of the year, lots of changes and lots of stress. As usual, Christopher found a way to help me end my day with laughter.

My friend, Christy, stopped by for a visit tonight. I don’t get to see Christy often now that she’s moved further away so, when we do get to visit, we have a lot to talk say to each other. We were sitting in the living room and, as luck would have it, both of my boys were engrossed in doing their own thing… for a while.

Christopher decided he needed Christy’s attention. At first, he was really sweet about it. He got his little bowl of Fruit Loops and scooted his chair next to the couch so he could be close to her. Then, he slowly reached up and grabbed her phone saying, “Can I play a game on your phone?” Christy, the ever gracious one told him he could but I intervened and said no. The first scowl was thrown my way by my youngest. He proceeded to munch away on his Fruit Loops…. for about 30 seconds before he asked her for it again.

This went on for a few minutes with them going back and forth as to why he couldn’t have her phone. He subtly moved up on to the couch next to her, trying to sweet talk his way into getting her phone. Within moments, he was jumping on the couch, jumping on Christy (again, the ever gracious one, taking it with a smile). I asked him nicely at first to stop but patience only lasts so long.

I finally reached my limit and gritted my teeth and said, “Get off of that couch and stop jumping on her.” He scowled at me again but stepped down off the couch. He then walked over to me, looked me right in the eye and said, “You are a mean old fool.” Christy and I looked at each other and completely blew up laughing. I know, good example, right? Well, he did get sent to his room.

After a few minutes, he came back downstairs and I asked him, “Was it nice to call mommy a mean old fool?” He said, “No, it wasn’t.” I then asked, “Don’t you think you should apologize to me?” He looked up and said, “Yes, I’m sorry. I also called you a big piece of cheese, but that’s when I was up in my room.”

Gotta love his honesty… No, Christy and I did not make it through that one without laughing, either.

At Jacob’s school they have this coin stamp system. If they have a good day at school, they get a coin stamp on their calendar. At the end of the month, if they earn so many stamps they get a reward. Today, Jacob came home without a stamp. I always know immediately if he did not get one because the first thing he says to me when he gets off the bus is, “Mommy, don’t look at my folder today.” (I have to point out that this has only happened 5 times this entire year… so when he doesn’t get one, it’s a big deal to him.)

Sitting at dinner tonight, Jim and I were talking with Jacob about what happened at school today and asking why he didn’t get a stamp. He told us that he told some kids they were wicked because they were making fun of him. (I had a brief vision of me getting all Rebecca De Mornay from Hand the Rocks the Cradle on some kids but I digress…)

The short version is that Jacob ended up getting a time out at school for disrespecting others. Jim and I were trying to explain to him that, even when others are doing something unkind, we can’t be unkind in return and next time he should go talk to the teacher first.

Christopher, who has been sitting there quietly listening to all this decides to chime in and starts telling us, “Mommy, Jacob did NOT do a good job at school today! He didn’t listen to his teacher.” I asked him, “And how did you do in school today?” He tilted his head to one side and said, “Oh, I did ok. Better than Jacob. It’s up to us, Mommy, me and Daddy to make sure that Jacob does a good job at school.”  (Meantime, Christopher is on his own “performance improvement plan” at school.)

Where does he come up with this stuff?

I just wanted to share some of my favorite things I heard my boys say (or heard Jim say to the boys) over the past year. They keep me laughing every day. Hope you enjoy them!

While I was doing dishes, one of my boys was using the bathroom upstairs and yelled down to me, “Mommy, my peepee is so big!”

“Do not lick my ear.”

“Stop sniffing your brother.”

“Mommy, when I poop, I have to take off all my clothes so I don’t get poop on them.”

“Get your finger out of your butt.”

“Mommy, I’m not playing with my peepee, I’m fixing it.”

“Get your toes out of your mouth.”

“Fart on me!”

“Get your face out of your brother’s butt.”

While sitting in Mass right before Christmas, Christopher heard a baby crying. He looked at me all wide eyed and said, “Is that the baby Jesus crying?”

Same day in Mass, first time Christopher attended since he’s been a baby, he looked around and said, “Wow, there are a lot of crosses here.”

“Remember the most important rule of Trick-or-Treating… watch out for dog poop when you’re walking through the yards.”

“God, I pray for Mommy and Daddy and Jacob and my toys and Uncle Tom and Grandma and my toys and Uncle Tom. Amen.”

Me: “Jacob, what do you want for dinner tonight?” Jacob: “Food.”

“Mommy, I love to be naked.”

“Mean human’s don’t like babies but nice human’s do.”

“I’m asleep, tooth fairy! You can come see Jacob now but you have to come through my window first!”

After Jacob lost his first tooth and the tooth fairy gave him a dollar, he came home from school the next day and told me, “Mommy! I bit off a fingernail at school today. Now the finger nail fairy will come tonight and leave me another dollar!”

Christopher found some wheat crackers and asked if he could have some. He came back to me moments later and said, “Mommy, these cookies taste like poop.”

I had been waiting to take the boys to see Santa this year so my husband could go with us. Jim has never gone with us and, since I fear my time is running out on how much longer they’ll believe, I wanted to have Jim there at least once.  (Though Christopher is only 4, Jacob is 6 and in school. Jacob will be the first to learn there’s no Santa and, like any respectable sibling, will make sure that Christopher knows, too, I’m sure.)

In our infinite wisdom we said to each other, “Let’s do it on Christmas Eve. Yes, the malls will be crowded and the line to see Santa will probably be a mile long but, we’ll be together. It will be fun.” Last night, December 23^rd, Jim came home from work and dropped the bomb on me: “I have to work tomorrow so you’re going to have to take the boys to see Santa by yourself.” Are you kidding me? I’m screwed. No way am I going to tell my four year old he isn’t seeing Santa this year. I had to brave the mall this morning on my own with two very excited boys.

In the pouring rain, I loaded the kids up first thing this morning since Santa was at the mall as early as 9:00am. I wanted to make sure I was going to be as close to the front of that line as possible. As we were driving, there was almost no traffic on the way. I started to get hopeful. Maybe, just maybe we’re getting there early enough to beat the crowds. Sure enough, I pull into the mall parking lot and THERE WERE HARDLY ANY CARS! I even got a spot only a few spaces away from the main entrance. And, IT STOPPED RAINING! Could my luck get any better? I doubted it.

Oh, doubter that I was… to my pleasant surprise there was only one other family getting their photos with Santa! Can you believe this? I stopped and looked around thinking, “Surely, I’m missing where the real line begins.” Nope. No one else was there.  Just that one other family.

We were in and out of the mall to see Santa in less than 30 minutes. Literally. We walked into the mall at 9:09am and got back into the car at 9:36am. And, it still wasn’t raining. I was walking on clouds, I was so thrilled. Patting myself on the back for getting out early, I decided to push my luck and headed to the liquor store to pick up a bottle of wine. I should have just been grateful for the good fortune I’d been shown at that point and just gone straight home. But, I wasn’t that wise.

I pull into the grocery store parking lot and had to drive around for five minutes before I could find a spot. It started pouring rain. We then head into the liquor store. Why are you taking a four and six year old into the liquor store you ask? Well, judge me all you want, but Mommy needs wine for Christmas Eve and I don’t know when Daddy’s coming home.

On the way in, both boys are jumping into every single puddle they can see and, of course, they see them all. One puddle from the boy on my left and my entire left leg is soaked from the splash. Before I can even ask them to stop, the boy on my right jumps into one and douses my right leg. “Oh well,” I think to myself, “I made it out of the mall in record time. I’ll just change my pants when I get home.”

As we make our way down the very closely lined shelves, my heart was in my throat as both boys were walking down the aisle with their hands held out, touching every bottle they pass.  I reach for a bottle of Beaujolais. I look over at Christopher just in time to see him climbing up onto one of the shelves (he is less than a foot away from me but he’s a quick one) saying, “Here, Mommy, I’ll get this one for you.” I see the bottles on the bottom shelf toppling sideways as he pushes them out of the way with his Spiderman shoe. I was able to grab them before they went crashing and we quickly made our purchase and left.

Again, though my clothes were soaked and my hair was soaked and my makeup was running down my face, I was feeling pretty smug. “I’ll just clean myself up when I get home,” I thought.  I smiled at my good fortune. Then from the back seat, Christopher starts crying and says, “Mommy, I don’t want to throw up.” Two seconds later, up comes the purple and red lollypop he got from Santa. He stops long enough to take a breath and then up comes his breakfast. We are still three blocks from home.

When we got home Christopher insisted I carry him into the house. So, now, not only am I soaked with rain, I’m soaked with puke. All the while doing everything I can to keep from getting it everywhere else as I strip him down. But, I get him cleaned up and snuggled up on the couch. I then spend the next 15 minutes standing outside in the pouring rain, cleaning up puke from the back seat of my van and the booster seat.

But, we made it out of the mall in less than 30 minutes.