I’ve been debating whether or not to write about this. Not because I am ashamed but because I didn’t want my little one judged too harshly. I also didn’t want my parenting judged. But, I know my little guy isn’t the only one to go through something like this. It is also helpful when I read the feedback from those who take the time to do so.

My youngest, Christopher, is having some behavior issues at school. Enough that the pre-school he is attending has asked us to cut his attendance back from five days a week to two days.  We’ve discussed a strategy and decided maybe we should get him some outside help.

When he’s in class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each week, there are 22 children in the class with him. Apparently, Christopher has a difficult time being in a group setting with that many people. He tends to get upset very easily which results in him either running away and not listening or hitting the other students when things don’t go exactly as he thinks they should.

Our first plan of action was to talk to him about it. So, each day before school, he and I would sit down and discuss how he should behave. I would ask him, “When you get to school today, do we put our hands on our friends or do we keep our hands to ourselves?” Of course, he knows the correct answer. The next question was, “When we get upset, do we use unkind words?” Again, he knows the correct answer. We would go through this rote every morning before school. “OK, Christopher, what are the rules?” His response, “We keep our hands to ourselves and we make good decisions by listening to our teacher.” Then, every day at pickup time, I would ask his teacher, “Did he have a good day today?” Unfortunately, as you can guess, the answer was usually negative.

It got to a point where my four year old boy would not greet me with “hello” at pickup time but, instead, the first words out of his little mouth were, “Can you ask my teacher if I did a good job today?” I’m sorry. That’s just not right. No four year old should have that kind of pressure on him.  His little face would look up at me, so hopeful that the answer would be a good one.

I’ve changed my plan of action. While we are working on getting him some outside help to deal with his emotional issues, when I pick him up at school, as soon as he asks me, “Did my teacher say I did a good job today?” I just pick him up, give him a big hug and a kiss and I say, “I would rather know if you had fun today. And, whether you had a good day or not, I am proud of you and I love you.” The smile I get to that response is then followed by an excited Christopher launching into the details of everything he did that day.

We still have a lot of work to do to help him make good choices. But, the best choice I can make is letting him know first and foremost that he is loved, unconditionally.