So, as I’ve previously mentioned, I have lost my way on the path to God lately. I decided I would start this Lenten season to try to find my way back. If the way things went tonight is any indication of where I’m headed, I may be in trouble.

I decided to go to a church I have not attended yet. The one closest to my house left a bad taste in my mouth last Ash Wednesday by telling the congregation that they were not welcome to take communion if they haven’t been to mass in a year or more. Sorry, I think that’s just wrong. Would Christ have told me I couldn’t partake just because I hadn’t been there for a while?  My guess is no.

This year, I got to mass early because I knew it was going to be full. I sat at the end of the pew sort of in the middle, not too close, not too far back. After a few minutes, the church started to fill up. The pew I was in filled up too, but not to the point of having no room; until the family that came in after mass started. There was enough room on the pew, but they didn’t slide in enough. Instead, they had space for about 3 people between them and the family next to them. They decided not to scoot in but to scoot me out. I ended up sitting on the edge of the pew, half my rear end on the other half sort of hanging. Here’s how messed up I am: I was afraid to move because I thought it might offend them! So, I sat there, like an idiot; uncomfortable and nervous.

Mass begins… in Spanish. Now, I had called the church at about 3:00 in the afternoon and asked what the mass schedule was for today. When I called, I did not speak Spanish, nor did the woman who answered the phone. Couldn’t she have mentioned that the 7:30 mass was in Spanish? But, I waited it out, not knowing exactly what to do. Again, what does this say about me? Fortunately, there were parts of it in English. But the homily was in Spanish.

(Side note: While I sat there, unable to understand 95% of what was being said, I started people watching. I noticed quite a few adults chewing gum. Chewing gum… in mass. What are they going to do with it during communion? Clearly, they didn’t spend enough time around nuns as kids. And, even more clearly, they never met a nun like Sister Maria from IC. I think that woman would have slapped the gum right out of your mouth!!! )

When it came time for communion, the entire row I was sitting in did not get up. Instead of trying to walk all the way down the pew past everyone, I decided to walk all the way to the back of the church and walk around. I finally get to communion and I’m holding out my hands to accept it and the Eucharistic minister started reaching for my mouth anyway. So, I reach my hands up higher for him to see, he’s still leaning in for my mouth but then notices my hands. He then starts this dance back and forth from my mouth to my hand, finally decides against it and reaches for my mouth again. I caved and leaned in to take it orally. At this point, all I can think is, “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

I walked directly out the door, to the parking lot and drove home where my poor husband got to listen to me cry about the whole thing. (Poor Jim, he puts up with so much!) I don’t know what my next move is here. I guess I will try yet another church. I am not ready to give up completely… but tonight felt like a total bust.  Is God trying to tell me something???