In our home, making scrambled eggs (aka “cheesy eggs”) is a really, really big deal. Each boy pulls a kitchen chair to the counter. One begins to pour pepper all over the counter, the other pours the salt. Whoever pours the salt must shake it as vigorously as possible, spilling as much salt as you can. We have a pepper grinder so the pepper must be twisted at full force, shaking it as you go… again, to get the maximum amount of pepper on the counter.

Once Mom sets the egg carton on the counter, it is then the job of each boy to pounce on them, pushing each other’s hands out of the way so that you can be the first one to get an egg… in the process, almost pushing each other off of the chairs.

You must then race to be the first one to get your egg cracked into the mixing bowl. To do this, smash the egg as hard as you can against the side of the bowl, maximizing the amount of shattered shell that ends up in the eggs. (It’s fun to watch Mom chase the egg shells around in raw eggs, trying to pry them out only to have it swish to the bottom of the bowl.)

Once the eggs are sufficiently smashed, each boy grabs a fork and begins stirring the eggs as fast as their little hands can move. If half the eggs haven’t splashed over the top of the bowl, you aren’t doing it right. Then, the second Mom turns away to grab a towel to clean up the spilled egg, grab the salt and shake as hard as you can into the eggs. (Crunchy eggs with shells need extra flavoring, after all.)

While Mom cooks the eggs, continue to stand on your chairs, pushing each other, insisting your brother is closer and can see better so that Mom gains a few more grays while trying to keep you from falling off of your chairs and into the hot stove top.

After the eggs have cooked, hop down off of your chairs and fight each other to the fridge to get out the sprinkle cheese. Open the crisper drawer where Mom keeps the cheese but do not use your hand to close the drawer… use your dirty shoe to push the drawer closed with all of your body weight.  Open the two pound bag of sprinkle cheese and dump the entire contents into the eggs and ask what is taking so long for it to melt.

Finally, after Mom has scooped out 90% of the sprinkle cheese, sit down and eat. And that, my friends, is how you make scrambled eggs.