Last Sunday, I decided that maybe it was time to try another church… but not a Catholic one this time. I have been Catholic all my life. It’s all I know. I went to vacation bible study at different places of worship as a kid but, I wasn’t there to hear about the church, I was there to spend time with my friends. Last Sunday, I thought it was time to try something different.  So, I looked online at a church a friend of mine attends and I saw that they had a new member’s class that morning at 11:00. I decided to check it out.

When I arrived, I went to the office of the Sunday school Director. They were very welcoming and friendly. They took their time with me and showed me the classrooms and let me observe for a few minutes. Another issue with attending mass recently has been that Jacob cannot tolerate all the noise. There are a lot of echoes in church… a lot of singing. I actually tried to take Jacob the week before and as soon as everyone started singing, he plugged his ears and started shivering. “Can we go now, please, Mommy, please?”  The only way for Jim and I to attend service is separately. One attends one service while the other is at home with the boys. I would like to find a place we can worship together.

After meeting the Sunday school staff, I headed over to the chapel where the new member’s meeting was to take place. Again, everyone was very welcoming. The pastor came in and began speaking. I found out that it was actually a meeting for those that are ready to join the church, and this was their third group meeting.  There must have been a lot of Catholics there because the pastor focused quite a bit on the difference between this church and the Catholic Church. He wasn’t negative in any way, just pointed out the differences.   At first I was comfortable. But after just a few minutes, I began to feel extremely tense and very out of place.

Again, he wasn’t Catholic bashing, he did quite the opposite. He talked about how, even though our beliefs are somewhat different, we are all unified in Christ. It was very uplifting and beautiful.  But, the longer I sat there, the more I started to feel lost. How can I, a Catholic all my life, be sitting here seriously considering leaving my Catholic faith behind to become a member of a new faith? I’ve been saying that lately I have felt empty but at that moment, I didn’t feel empty. What I felt was plugged, stopped up, unable to take anything into myself spiritually. But, I also felt like I was breaking. It was like I was being pulled from my roots and they were desperately clinging for life. They aren’t quite ready to be pulled. My roots are strong in this soil. It was terrifying and sad. But I tried my best to be open minded. I need something more, I just don’t know what it is yet.

My husband and I had a nice long talk about it when I got home.  He went through a similar thing many years ago, but his roots were quite a bit more loose and ready to be replanted. I have decided to give it another try next week. We will all attend this new church together, letting our boys attend Sunday school and see how they do as well. I don’t honestly know where I’ll go from here. I need to do some serious soul searching and praying. The thought of leaving the Catholic Church terrifies me quite honestly. But, all change is frightening. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing. Clearly, some kind of change needs to take place. I know I’m not ready for the new member’s group but, it’s time to open my mind and my heart and take a new adventure and see what I can find.